Third Half-Antonio Villas-Boas, Real-Life Tenchi Masaki

Note: This story contains crazy material. It is therefore unsuitable for anyone with an IQ over 18. Pregnant men and Catholics shouldn't read this. In fact, now's the time to take five and ask yourself if you need to read it at all. And don't bother pointing out the fact men can't get pregnant by conventional means since I've seen the movie Junior and know all about those... seahorses.

Representing our planet Earth: The Ridgemont High Marching Band brandishing flags with planets whose names sound like parts of the female anatomy.

Her hair was blond, nearly white, like hair dyed in peroxide, it was smooth, not very thick, with a part in the center and she had big blue eyes, rather long than round, for they slanted outward, like those pencil-drawn girls make to look like Arabian princesses, that look as if they were slit. That was what they were like, except that they were natural; there was no make-up. Her nose was straight, not pointed, nor turned-up,nor too big. The contour of her face was different, though, because she had very high, prominent cheekbones that made her face look very wide, wider than that of an Indio native. Underneath her cheekbones her face narrowed to a peak, so that all of a sudden it ended in a pointed chin, which gave the lower part of her face a very pointed look. Her lips were very thin, nearly invisible in fact.

He's talking about a Gray in a Marilyn Monroe wig.

Her ears, which I only saw later, were small and did not seam any different from ordinary ears. Her high cheekbones gave one the impression that there was a broken bone somewhere underneath, but as I discovered later, they were soft and fleshy to the touch, so they did not seem to be made of bone.

'Uriel' is also soft and fleshy to the touch. She seems to be made of ham wrapped in leather. However, the idea that anyone with make it with her, even under threat of alien brain devouring, is regarded by skeptics and believers alike as, "ludicrous."

Her body was much more beautiful that any I have ever seen before. It was slim, and her breasts stood up high and well separated. Her waistline was thin, her belly flat, her hips well developed, and her thighs were large. her feet were small, her hands long and narrow. her fingers and nails were normal.

B. Orchid, deformed Killer Instinct icon also fits this description.

She was much shorter than I am, her head only reaching my shoulder. Her skin was white, as that of our fair women here, and she was full of freckles on her arms.

The woman came to Antonio and embraced him, rubbing her head against his face from side to side. She made it clear to Antonio what she wanted, and he cooperated with the inevitable as they moved to the couch. They had sex twice, and then she began to pull away from him.

Of course I would never exchange her for one of ours! I like one you can talk to, understand, and get along with, and with this woman that was impossible. Some of the growls that came from her at certain times nearly spoiled everything, as they gave me the disagreeable impression of lying with an animal.

See my comment about him being the real-life Tenchi?

One thing that I noticed was that she never kissed me. I remember that at one time she opened her mouth as if to do so, but instead of that she bit me softly on the chin, which of course was not a kiss.

Another thing that I noticed was the hair in her armpits was bright red, nearly the color of blood.

If there was a detail he could have omitted in favor of a more revolting sex scene, this would be it.

A little while after we separated, the door opened. One of the men appeared at the doorstep and called out to the woman, who left the room. But before leaving she turned to me, pointed to her belly, and smilingly, as well as she could smile, pointed to the sky, southward, I should say. Then she went away. I interpreted the signs as meaning to say that she intended to return and take me with her to wherever it was that she lived.

You are one thick man, Charlie Brown.

That is why I still felt afraid: If they came back to fetch me, I'd be lost. I don't wish to part from my folks nor from my country, by no means so!

The men brought Antonio's clothes to him, and he was taken on a tour of the craft. After the grand tour, Antonio was escorted to the door and motioned out. He watched as the craft rose and then sped off at incredible speed. Antonio checked the time and found that he had spent over four hours on the craft.

OVER four hours?

A few months later, Antonio responded to an ad in a magazine asking for people to report any experiencers with flying saucers. As a result of this, Antonio was brought to Rio de Janiero where he was examined and interviewed by Doctor Olave Fontes, M.D., to whom he told this story on February 22, 1958.

So... if I stay up for a few consecutive days doing menial farm labor until I hallucinate lights and have a vivid extraterrestrial sexual fantasy, then tell someone about it, I get a free trip to Rio.

Get me my Rolodex.