I just realized with the automatic thumbnail-generating gimmick I can make a proper gallery page again wthout making ya’ll wade through the Old Stuff link.

Don’t you get that all these console wars are pointless? Aren’t we, the console gamers, forgetting the real enemy is the PC GAMER?!

Seriously folks, don’t mind me, I’m just mildly insane with ill-founded ambition and glee over the new pet project I’ve tagged “TGR” for now. After sitting down and writing a lengthy outline, I’ve given myself some pretty high hopes that this is THE year, after so much bitching about games that I’m gonna make one myself. Even if it’s just a demo, I’ll have some sort of Third Half game production out there by 11:59 December 31st*.

Meanwhile in the real world, in all its infinite improbabilities, we’re having thick snow showers in April.

I have some games to write about… eventually. I could just sum up with a paragraph about how looney SNK’s marketing people are for releasing Metal Slug Anthology, which contains 1, 2, X, 3, 4, 5, and 6 whilst Metal Slug 4&5 are still cluttering shelves- at the same price!

I finished Custom Robo Arena. Sort of. The game has a tendency to keep throwing fake endings at you. I beat the story (which is the most cliche ridden shitfest EVER PROGRAMMED), the Robo Cup ‘epilogue’ of sorts, then it tossed another quest out after winning that. I just want to fight robots, dammit… I don’t care about the kid with the overactive blink tied to his walk cycle or his friends. If it was an arcade style fighter, it would be pretty awesome, but…

Then there’s Scurge: Hive, kind of a bastard offspring of Solstice and Metroid. And after all this time I haven’t really said much about Lunar Knights. Augh.

*Y’know. Unless it isn’t.

So, I picked up Custom Robo Arena the other day, and so far while the battles aren’t too bad, the single-player story mode is quite possibly the dullest thing ever made. Imagine something along the lines of Pokemon (or more to the point; Mega Man Battle Network) that not only explored the adventure and battling side, but also made sure that each and every day your character must go through a complete daily routine of having breakfast and dinner with the family, identical from day to day.

Oh, but that’s not the best part- Your robo is maintained by regular polishing, done of course with the touchscreen. You move amongst each body part and wipe it down until it sparkles- and the crotch is its own distinct area in need of attention.

Custom Robo! The game that dares you to give Mega Man a handjob. Care to place bets on when I get tired of the repetition and trade it for a used Medabots game?