Welcome
to the world of the Magician, where Monochromius the Interminable forces
each town to paint all their houses and stables brown. Lethal Indians
lie outside of town, launching tomahawks from their sunken pecs. Even
the peasants can be dangerous if provoked. You, uh... Spazzicus T. Orangeskin,
an apprentice magician are all that stands between idyllic meandering
existence and malevolent wandering.
That's
about as much fanfare as I'll award this game, which is more than it
deserves. If not for the ability to go around slaughtering people in
villages at random (more on that later) this game wouldn't probably
have anything going for it at all. Other positive things I can say about
the Magician: it has better play control than D&D: Heroes of the
Lance; the cartridge doesn't issue forth plague-ridden fleas when you
press the power button; most modern TV's have a mute button. It's also
technically a better game than Karateka since the Magician can walk
left as well as right. That said, onto the good stuff.
As
I said before, like virtually all NES fantasy games, there's a lot of
brown in the world. I suppose I should applaud the proud few designers
who tried to add some texture to a visually limited world, but face
facts- those backgrounds are ugly at best and distractingly indistinct
at worst. Nothing really approaches FOTON's
Cave of Annoyance in terms of awfulness, then again what could?
Though, the Magician's theme music sure tries
its damnedest to piss me off. If only Taxan had tried to make a Pumaman
game.
The
Magician collects lots and lots of little magical knickknacks to both
keep him alive and add onto his awesome power (vacuum.) Among these,
of course- food and water. Yay for games that make your guy starve to
death in the middle of a heated battle!! Basically, you fit little glyph
things into slots in your inventory to prepare spells. Of course, that's
only really relevant if you care about getting anywhere in this game,
unlike yours truly.
As
soon as possible, I equipped the Magician with fireballs and started
cutting loose in the middle of town. Imagine my impish delight after
hitting a peasant with about a dozen of them and actually seeing him
fall down dead. I wish I could do this kind of crap in Final Fantasy
when a stupid low-level guard keeps me from waltzing into an area when
I have a giant broadsword and a girl with me that can pull monsters
and robots out of nowhere. So, I started blasting people left and right,
when suddenly the little written transcript of the game that scrolls
through the bottom of the game informed me that I was now a 'vile murderer'
or something. This change in reputation was reflected by the stupid
barbarian ambling about town fling tomahawks from his chest and groin.
And even the peasants suddenly became dangerous to touch as they whined
out crap like "STAY AWAY FROM ME!" while rushing at you anyway.
So,
the Magician escaped town, barely, after a run-in with the Pope. He
crossed a wasteland with a destroyed house/temple and a lot of pissed
off barbarians and wizards. Finally, the little dork collapsed after
a few dozen lightning bolts and axes to the head.
For
all the stuff the Magician is capable of, he's severely limited in motion.
His main special power is to actually raise his hand when he shoots
things sometimes, whereas the warriors and such just seem to have weapons
coming out of every cranny. All of the 'shield' effect spells have regular
attack sprites shooting out of the ground where you walk. Remember,
for crude recycling of sprites and animations, and generic fantasy,
look no further than The Magician! The game that says what it is!