Macross: Scramble(d) Valkyrie
has been made of the zaniness of this game. It walks a line between
Zero Wing ("Someone set up us the bomb!") and that one crappy
NES game where the WINNER IS STRONG BADS. Let's just get one thing straight.
This game rocks. Despite anything I say from here on out, the game is
freaking awesome. The sound, explosions, transforming three-pixel Valkyrie...
This is actually more visually interesting than some off episodes of
Robotech. However, it does lack the cuteness and 30-weapon toting sweetness
of The Guardian Legend.
epic story takes you through a disjointed version of the TV series,
which gives it an authentic feel while disorienting you entirely. You
sit back and note the three variants of Female Power Armor (Queadlunn-Rau,
I think... I haven't touched those Palladium books in ages) rendered
in breathtaking detail, and they even have the right weapons (instead
of the usual random bullet out of the head, chest or groin most shooters
opt for,) then also note that not once in Macross history has Max Jenius
dueled with a gigantic sand flea in the rings of Saturn.
now, onto the real joy: The typos. It's always a treat when Japanese
programmers turn the project over to their second graders while they
swing out for some sake, karaoke and natto. So,
the great opening sequence informs us that "IT'S THE SONG AND
THE WAR" but "THE STORY IS NOT YET FINISHED."
Oh no! I thought for sure the Earth was saved!!
anime history note: In a late episode of Macross [or an early episode
of Robotech], a fleet of Zentran/ Meltran [Yeah... Zentraedi] battleships
surrounded the planet and bombarded it with their Fission cannons until
everything on the surface was toast. Afterwards, we blew them up. Way
to save the world, guys.)
FIGHTING AGAIN THE"
that's right. They got the title itself wrong. Oh well. Scrambled is
what we got, so Scrambled is what we work with. Stop by the CONFIGLATION
menu to set your speakers to stereo; they don't default that way.
get the choice of Hikaru (Rick), Max (Max, twit), and Millia (Miriya),
although why you'd pick anyone other than Max is beyond me. His Soldier/Battroid
mode weapon is a homing gun that, powered up unleashes insane flashing
deathballs all over the place. His gerwalk form weapon is a weird chain
of fireballs that I used more for defense than offense, and the fighter
gun is just a basic forward shot. Hikaru boasts the same forward guns,
hard-to-aim air mines and ICBM sized missiles that come from nowhere
and are in infinite supply. Miriya, however, you'd have to be a Meltran
ace to play as because all her weapon are forward-facing guns of various
first level gives you a taste of the sort of madness to expect over
the next six levels. You're zooming along, then a Zentran ship defolds
and explodes almost instantly, having performed an illegal hyperspace
operation. Generic R-Type drones fly at you for a while, then the genuine
enemies appear, shoot at you, then die. At the level's end you fight
some kind of armed geode.
sad thing is, to the very end, only one boss was an actual enemy
from the series. The rest were the tyical grossout R-type creatures
shootemup fans know and love. Wait, one was a robot. One always
is. The final challenge comes from an upside down Hitler-baby in a glass
ball, which turns into a naked lizard man when you blast it. This is
clearly a message, because this final final boss fights like a DBZ character.
Huh? You're playing as a heavily-armed Super Valkyrie, against a floating
dragon throwing ki blasts.
anyway. You beat it more easily than any boss since level one, and the
ending movie plays. It's so beautifully tragic it chokes me up just
thinking about it.
BUT I COULD
WILL BE BACK
Beautiful. The Naked Lizard Man died for your sins, people! Stand up!
Let the Lizard flow through you! PUH-RAAAIZE THE LIAZRD!
this point I sit down and scratch my head, wondering if the ROM skipped
or something. Then I remember what game I'm playing. Should have expected
a random ejaculation of that kind.
the credits roll as your ship floats in one place not making any effort
to move towards the Macross, and we're left with a newfound sense of
being and the knowledge that this game was produced by...
yeah, and between levels, the words "We sot a new machine, for
the fighting. Now the time to scramble Valkyrie again" are displayed,
along with a random Macrossy image regardless of where in the storyline
you are. (ROY FOCKER?! You were dead)