Ah, to be a young, impressionable fanboy. As you mash away at that sticky gamepad watching a cute, nubile ninja girl who is completely under your control lift and throw a man three times her mass, there's always that wistful thought in the back of your mind, "Gee, that ____ sure is hot. If only she was real..." Or for the more delusional of you, "If only I were two dimensional." Well, you'll have to admit it someday- you're sick, sad and pathetic. But for the time being, let's suspend disbelief and actually take a look at the look at the ladies of KoF from a more objective and less objectified point of view.

First, take note that the ages, when given seem to apply throughout the series. Athena was 18 in the 1994 tournament, and dammit, she's still 18 seven years and four progressively shorter haircuts later. My guess is tiny wizards cast immortality spells on everyone who walks out of registration.

Screenshots supplied partially by Zany Video Game Quotes, mostly by me.

Info: Former classmate of Kyo Kusanagi, also known to sing poorly-sampled j-pop songs in old platform games while destroying buildings and UFO's. She entered the tutelage of a creepy drunken Chinese man, along with her spaz and trusted companion Sie Kensou. Together they run around and blow up crime. After the King of Fighters tournament took off, she became an international pop sensation and gained the curious immortality SNK fighters developed within this continuity. She cut her hair and received so many compliments on it from the '99 match, that when she came back in 2000 and 2001, Athena had more and more cut off. When KoF 2002 debuts, she will probably have shaved her head completely and become a vegetarian.

Romantic Rivals: Sie Kensou, self-proclaimed "Athena's knight." Not that large a threat, Kensou attempts to gain her favor by bouncing around like a drugged orangutan.
Your Chances: Slim; you might get an autograph and a peck on the cheek if you play your cards right. Play them wrong and she'll probably blow your head clean off with her psycho power.
Note: Despite her use of Psycho Power, she is in no way affiliated with M. Bison. Or his Japanese equivalent, Vega.

Athena Asamiya
Nationality: Japanese, residing in China
Fighting Style: Psychic/ Wu Shu
Age: 18
Height : 163 cm
Weight : 50 kg
B83 W57 H82

Info: An undercover cop/wrestler something who stalks Geese like a Lifetime Original Movie ex-husband. OK, crappy analogy. She's motivated by revenge, mostly, but her close friend's death doesn't seem to make her any less perky. Things to look out for may be the topics of crime syndicates, murdering her best friend, or Geese Howard. She doesn't like him.

Romantic Rivals: Well, just one, but it's Terry Bogard. Moving right along...
Your Chances: When she offers to take you to the mat, she really means she's going to bounce on your head and break your arms.

Blue Mary
Nationality: American
Fighting Style: Sambo (The wrestling style, not the dance)
Age : 23
DOB : 2/4
Blood Type : AB
Height : 168 cm
Weight : 49 kg
B86 W54 H85

Info: Chizuru arranged the '96 tournament to gather together Kusanagi(good cop)and Yagami(bad cop) to fight Goentiz (prisoner/naughty nurse.) After that, she entered the '97 tournament in the womens' team. One of her ancestors sealed the orochi away, dooming all successors of that bloodline to take day jobs wearing huge shinto robes and waving wands around. After that she resolves to lead a normal life, only taking breaks to be a striker in random subsequent KoF titles. Her 'Kagura Style Ancient Martial Arts' are a series of fluid movements and stances that make her look like she's an animate rag doll.

Romantic Rivals: Nope.
Your Chances: She's probably sworn to celibacy, but she'd be more than happy to DANCE LIKE AN IDIOT for you.

Chizuru Kagura
Nationality: Japanese
Fighting Style: Whiny Shrinemaiden-Fu
Age: 28
Height: 1.69 cm
Weight: 52 kg
Blood type: AB

Info: King is a Muetai kickboxer who was born in France, raised in Thailand, who may have spent time in England, and ends up as a bouncer in Southtown, USA, home of the Bogards, KoF, and and rampant mindless beatings. She used to pose as a man until Robert blew her cover and her top clean off in a battle.

King is always the captain of the Ladies' Team throughout the KoF tournaments. Compare this if you will to the butch, creepy nuns who run women's boarding schools. Her favorite person is her perveted little twerp nephew/brother Jan/Jean.

Romantic Rivals: Ryo Sakazaki, k. d. Lang.
Your Chances: "Nasakenai." <Pathetic.>

Nationality: ...Europe
Fighting Style : Muetai Kickboxing
Age : 24
DOB : 8th April
Blood Type : A
Height : 175 cm
Weight : 58 kg
B86 W56 H85

Info: Leona's past is shrouded in mystery, like a mysterious... shroud. She was wandering aimlessly around a forest when Heidern of the Ikari Warriors decides, "Hey, this suspicious girl with the power to slash a tree in half with her bare hands would make a great soldier!" So, she ends up filling his spot in the '96 tournament while he takes a much-needed vacation.

Leona's got a downright FIRM figure. She can probably block bullets with her abs. The jacket and short shorts combination would later be copied by Megaman Legends' Roll (who also stole Terry's hate.) She's a bit slow to open up and doesn't talk much, and also has a history of periods of insanity where she slaughters THE INNOCENT LIKE A WOLF AMONG LAMBS AW GAWD THE BLOOD IS EVERYWHERE!

Romantic Rivals: None, really. Although, if one examined her stomach contents they might find evidence of one. Maybe.
Your Chances: Assuming you melt her icy exterior, you've probably awakened her beserk Orochi state. I'd almost think you'd be in more trouble if she liked you then.

Leona (Heidern? Gaidel?)
Nationality: ???
Fighting Style : Special Forces/ Heidern "CHOP YOU INTO PIECES" -fu
Age : 18
DOB : 10th January
Blood Type : B + Orochi
Height : 176 cm
Weight : 66 Kg
B84 W60 H87

Benimaru enjoys flying in airplanes and partying all night long. He's especially proud of his wild blonde hair. Rest assured, there'd never be a dull moment with this fun-loving Queen of Fighters!

I mentioned Benimaru's a guy, right?

Romantic Rivals: His ego is rather large and dangerous.
Your Chances: He claims, rather endearingly not to swing that way, but look at him. Watch his jump. See his weird little breakdancing attack. And his spine-curdling, blood-chilling "I love you" win quote.

Nationality: Japanese (but he's half American)
Fighting Style : Freaking Weird
Age : 21
DOB : 6th June
Blood Type : O
Height : 180 cm
Weight : 70 kg

More hot singles next week on the KoF Luv Line.