games like Cabal in our childhoods, it's no wonder the the military
recruiting office had to resort to stalking me in the parking lot at
work in high school. Cabal is the missing link between carnival duck
shooting games and those light gun games at the arcade where two guys
hop around in front of a big screen TV and pretending to be police officers.
We had that game when we were younger, except it involved plugging in
the NES's Zapper and plugging idly away at Barney, Big Bird, and all
their well-meaning felt-skinned ilk. And with a gallon of Mountain Dew
in my bloodstream, I imagine the whole thing would have looked like
Cabal if I could have actually seen myself from outside. So, before
delving deeper into my childhood psychoses and increasing my desire
to jump back in time and tease my smaller, weaker self, let's delve
deeper into Cabal.
is a game for one or two dangerous loners to act out vaporizing a small
area of enemy territory. By the way, if you have a Player 2, you're
not a very good dangerous loner. Wearing fatigues seems to
enhance the experience too. Fortunately since I DO own a pair of camoflague
shorts and only have one controller plugged in. (Because frankly, few
things are more depressing than a second controller that gets plugged
in but never used.)
blue jumpsuited hero, who for the sake of discussion I'll call Harvey,
is on a mission in Vietnam, Cuba South Carolina, or some other such
place. His unit was there mostly as a patrol and occupation force, but
ol' Harvey was hankering for action. The other troops were content to
threaten shopkeeps and molest the locals, but Harv wanted something
more. One of his teammates joked, "Hey, Harv, why don't you just
take a rifle and some grenades and take over the whole place?"
had a habit of taking things literally, as his head was about a quarter-turn
loose. So he took his assault rifle, his trusty magic +1 Ammo Clip of
Infinite Rounds, and ran willy-nilly into enemy territory. After a brief
skirmish with about fifty armed troops, some random tanks, and a barn,
the whole place was blasted to the ground. It was like something out
of a bad video game- as the fiftieth man fell, so did all the others
and the buildings. To a bizarre fanfare, Harvey launched into a bizarre
dance and dashed off into the sunset, laughing like a lunatic.
Harvey vented his misguided childhood Fruedian energy against a fortified
area of some kind. The enemy sent jeeps, tanks, and a seemingly endless
supply of troops in a predictable pattern. They even managed to kill
him a few times, but he simply had too many quarters in his pocket to
die! The base in shambles, Harv went into his mindless puppet dance
once more and charged the gates of the airfield.
enemy called in an airstrike! But the bombs only made him madder! Two
and a half more scores of enemy troops, annihalated in a flurry of gunfire
after Harvey picked up a blue tile with an M-16 painted on the side.
Finally, as the soundtrack changed and the sky darkened slightly, the
Oscar Meyer gunship began raining red spherical bombs at him as he ran
side to side, chucking grenades and lead. It was a grueling battle,
but Harvey's years of high school football paid off when he ran a reverse
play and ran at ten times normal speed.
I started thinking about John Elway's Football for no reason.
next stage takes Harvey to a swamp or a beach or something. The SCUBA
men from Bayou Billy have signed on with the enemy and take pot shots
at him from the water. This is a change of pace from the other stages
because now he was destroying trees and natural cover instead of fences
think the moral to the story is one man can make a difference if he's
bloodthirsty and crazy enough. Harvey ultimately conquered the entire
enemy country in about an hour. His squadmates had this to say when
reached for comment: