are certain types of games an experienced player learns not to like.
For example, helicopter games, any sports game with a year in the title,
and educational platformers. So, as I browsed a rom listing looking
for To the Earth (which I owned, previously panned, and wanted to get
screenshots of for the sake of completeness) and found Eliminator Boat
Duel. I hadn't played a lot of boating sims. The closest I'd come before
was a certain stage of a certain diabetic-themed game. So I decided
to give it a shot.
Boat Duel is about some boat racing tournament where you go two out
of three rounds with a hilariously charicatured opponent. Unfortunately,
since all the charicatures are of boring white person types, it's not
nearly the same 'should I be laughing at this?' kind of hilarity you
get from say, Pizza Pasta in Punch-Out!!.
Sidney is the first competitor. Armed with his wits, his weak constitution
and a resemblance to Woody Allen, he may be the 'easy' opponent, but
he still usually wins by computer error of some sort or another. I'm
guessing he was designed as a sort of living tutorial, he uses reverse
psychology to get the lesson across. "Don't damage my boat by jumping
on it!" You can probably send him crying to his daughter-wife with
a fairly average level of skill.
New Age Retro Hippie is attacking! He's exponentially harder that Sidney.
It may be the strange scent wafting from his untamed beard and white-guy
dreadlocks, but I blame it on the stars. He makes a point of reading
his horoscope aloud to you before every race. Beating him, I'd say...
is a 50/50 chance. Provided the Space Scorpion and Galactic Siamese
Twins are in the 8th House of Wax or something.
Surfer Bob. Sweet Jesus, I hate Surfer Bob. His slack-jawed mouth-breather
face appears to taunt you after every loss, and trust me, you will lose
to him because the computer cheats. I'm not just being bitter. In the
first part of the race, you basically time your start with the flag-waving
girl. Press the button at the right time, and you take off like a rocket
in the early stages. Against Bob, however, good timing just increases
the amount of 'neck and neck' cinematics you get at the start of the
race. Then he always breaks ahead. Die, Surfer Bob.
a handful of bikini girls in this game. I can't help but wonder if that
was supposed to be a selling point of some kind, but they can only make
bikini girls so hot with only 8 bits to work with. As a result, the
trophy presenter has the body of a cheap surf shop t-shirt cartoon character,
a broken neck, and a mass of television snow for hair. I have a thing
against anyone who tries to convince me that Girl X is attractive when
they exist within a sub-Funky Winkerbean level of artistic skill. The
Arch Hall, Jr. lookalike they dubbed the hero is just the nail in the
also a slow-mo feature that comes into play in the event of a neck and
neck finish, which involves the four or five bikini background girls
jumping up and down (that's two frames of animation, of course) shouting
in bold flashing letters, 'WE WANT A SLOW-MO!" or something like