Here's something you won't see anywhere else (for good reason, probably)- a complete, episode-by episode guide to beatings Hanagata suffers in each episode of J and Mata-Mata J! I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed watching the series like seventeen times to make this.

SABER MARIONETTE J TV
Episode 1: Smacked in the face with a fish, nearly hit by a shoe, soft-tissue damage from the car jostling around (I hope,) and he gets covered in soot when the car is cut in half.
Episode 2: Hit in the back of the head by a jug of sake and knocked out cold, more than likely got injured holding onto Otaru.
Episode 3: The first severe beatings! Slams flat on his face, gets clotheslined by Baiko AND Tamasaburo, smashes head on ceiling escaping from prior, has a closet full of supplies land on him, tripped, then crushed by Cherry Blossoms. At the end of the episode, we see that Baiko & Tama have him strapped to a water wheel in the torture chamber, bound for 'Mr. Prickly,' the bed of nails.
Episode 4: Wrestling with Lime, gets called 'Girly man.'
Episode 5: Drop-kicked by Lime, gets hit by several flying karate guys.
Episode 6: He flings himself off a roof, gets drilled into the dirt while having all the moisture drawn out of him by centrifugal force(!), and exploded on a jetpack.
Episode 7: Otaru punts him for scamming the pickles, he gets beaten to a pulp by bill collectors, is chased on a motorcycle and reprimanded by Lime and Bloodberry.
Episode 8: Breaks a wall with his head, gets bent over backwards by Otaru, and kicked away like nothing, is _dramatically_ knocked down by Otaru, and stepped on by both Cherry and Bloodberry. Let's also not leave out the heartache he suffers, and at the end of the episode he declares, "Otaru-kun, I Mitsurugi Hanagata would gladly die for you!" <heh-heh-heh...>
Episode 9: Smacked then thrown down a well, gets backhanded back down the well, shoved out a car door, trips flat on his face, falls down a chasm. Also, from this episode on, he's carrying an enormous backpack of supplies.
Episode 10: Backhanded by Bloodberry, struck by anti-armor missiles, chased& shot at by Gartlant SS, beat up by thugs who attach a ball and chain to him (he also runs through a brick wall), chased by more guards, skids on his chin, gets blown sky high by a grenade. And much more.
Episode 11: Eardrums blown out by Cherry, dropped by Lime after she rescues him from a long drop, goes into shock after Otaru [spoiler]
Episode 12: Otaru punches him onto a hot spring, he falls off another mountain, he gets dragged all the way from Gartlant to Japoness. He was also _this_ close to being flattened by Bloodberry. At least he ditches the backpack.
Episode 13: Trampled in a battle between the girls over Otaru, gets caught in a crossfire at the Sanja Song Fest.
Episode 14: Hit several times by Bloodberry playing ping-pong, then gets hit somewhere over the horizon shouting "CHEEEERS!"
Episode 15: Dragged off by his fathers' henchmen and forced to miss out on the shirataki! The horror!
Episode 16: Lime punts him after he insists on eating Squirrely, gets hammered again for same, Squirrely/he destroys all his Otaru pics, and finally, Cherry and Bloodberry calmly chuck him down the side of the mountain. Brava.
Episode 17: Cherry dispatches him with a well-deserved slap. He is spared being thrown into the Sabelberg.
Episode 18: He sort of vanishes in this episode, only to return and be... useful? Still, Otaru throttles him. "Hanagata-- TAME!!"
Episode 19: Lime drags him down a street while he hangs onto a wood plank, she stops and he takes it in the neck, gets catapaulted into Cherry's vat of concrete, he gets smacked and sealed in Lime's cold-sleep capsule (only to reappear?!) and show off his ugly scrawny chest. He also makes a random appearance just so he can scream at the Saber Dolls.
Episode 20: ...that's odd... he didn't get trashed...
Episode 21: The poor child gets left behind, Lime creates a powerful vortex in the river while fishing, and Hanagata falls in. At the cookout, Bloodberry feeds him a rock.
Episode 22: Bloodberry calls him a weird kid, Cherry screams at him. Besides being tossed around a little at the end, he gets out of there without a scratch... Weird.
Episode 23: No thrashings of note here, either.
Episode 24: Well, no beatings, but Hanagata DOES offer to let Otaru beat him until he's satisfied.
Episode 25: He has to put up with a class of annoying clones of the Apartment Guys and needs the peptic acid to handle Otaru's cooking. And the show closes with Bloodberry making a death threat to him.

Mata Mata, Saber Marionette J! (J Again)
OAV1: Gets kicked, hit with a frying pan, and punched through the ceiling, then crashes headfirst through both floors of the Mamiya residence. And that's just the intro. At the breakfast table, he gets crammed into the rice bucket. Bloodberry uses him as a human shield while battling Panta, and Panta ends up winging him into the sunset. "I AM A THING TO BE PITIED BY ALL!"
OAV2: After about three hours of his drunken ramblings, Panta offers to twist his head off like a bottlecap.
OAV3: Hana-ko gets pummeled by Marine, then shoved in a drawer, punched through the ceiling, backhanded through the secret door (you have to see this) and gets a table flung at him before the whole apartment complex falls like a house of cards.
OAV4: After insulting Cherry's cooking, he's thrown into the street and hit with a frying pan so hard he breaks the sound barrier. As Bloodberry puts it, "Just the usual nuking of Hanagata." Also, even his little brother Yumeji comments, "Big brother is such a dumbass."
OAV5: The MESCAL scrapes him up and down the side of Castle Japoness, then Lime beats the tar out of him. "I beat it." "IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?!"
OAV6: Ever so subtly and quickly, Bloodberry backhands him when they're passing around the seashell. Blink and you'll miss it. Those spiked gloves have to sting.
One of the last images we're treated to, is Hanagata being attacked by a sand crab and everyone laughs. "It got me!"

Saber Marionette J to X (J2X)
J2X1: Whacks his head coming up from under the table, is kicked through the ceiling twice, the second time flying through his own storefront. He seizes a small ribbon, planning to make it his 'special item', but it's not important.
J2X2It's festival time, and Hanagata is cracking up completely. While showing off his new outfit (shudder) he gets hit by the Mecha-DANJIRI. After soaring to the stratosphere, he falls headfirst into a marble statue, which somehow causes him to be naked.
J2X3: This is Hanagata's episode, in the sense that all minor characters seem to get an episode dedicated to building them up. Attempts suicide by jumping in the river about six times. His attempt to become a folk singer leads to him being pelted with pots, pans, and a fridge. Challenges his father to a sumo match and is thrashed soundly. His last desperate attack lands him in a body cast. He tries to sing again, but Baiko and Tamasaburo punish him for disturbing the peace.
J2X4: Saber Dolls beat the crap out of him during his attempt to get in on a lame gag the girls were pulling.
J2X5: Hana-ko obliges the old man with a Russian dance, gets carried away, and carried away to jail. All the while he chants "Russian! Russian!" The guard gets tired of his whining and tapes his mouth shut. It's all worth it when he gets to witness the awesome might of Shirataki justice. "Bravo, Lime!"

     For the unitiated, Saber Marionette J is an anime series about the largely unlikely world of Terra II, which, thanks to a malfunctioning colonization ship and a cloning facility, is inhabited entirely by men and female androids called Marionettes. Man, that was a long sentence. Loose 1950's sci-fi movie logic aside, SMJ is a pretty fun show.